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#23 Sarah Palin and First Dude Todd have close ties to the Alaskan Independence Party, which seeks to secede from the United States.

No matter how much they try to hide it, Sarah Palin and her hubby Todd can’t shake the fact that they have courted the Alaskan Independent Party (AIP) for many years. Todd himself was a member from 1995–2002 (with a brief hiatus in 2000). As for Sarah, she addressed the Party’s convention in 2000, and again in 2008 as well.

Alaska First—Alaska Always
That’s the motto of the Alaskan Independent Party—a far, far weirder cry than the “Country First” motto of the McCain/Palin ticket.

Sarah Stat
Chairman of the AIP Lynette Clark told ABC News that both Sarah and Todd Palin were members in 1994. Ms. Clark was AIP secretary at the time.

Top Ten Reasons Why Alaska Might Want to Secede from the Union

1. Guilt over pocketing the dough for the Bridge to Nowhere.
2. In Alaska, nowhere is somewhere.
3. Pissed that their fellow Americans often forget Alaska is a state during geography car games.
4. Pathetic play for attention.
5. It’s something to do.
6. Plan to invade Canada.
7. Jealous that Hawaii was last to join the Union.
8. Feels U.S. is overrun by Puerto Ricans.
9. Suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder.
10. Want to legalize marijuana, again.

Top Ten Reasons We Want to Keep Alaska

1. One word: Oil.
2. Two words: Natural gas.
3. With Alaska, we’re still bigger than China.
4. With Alaska, we’re still bigger than Brazil.
5. Unlimited access to mukluks.
6. First dibs on Alaskan king crab.
7. With global warming, it’ll become the new Sun City.
8. Deadliest Catch is the coolest show on cable.
9. Nostalgia for TV show Northern Exposure.
10. Because we can.

#2 Radio talk show host Stephanie Miller dubbed Sarah Palin “Caribou Barbie”—and the name has stuck.

Mattel may not be thrilled, and Santa Claus even less so, but the spectre of our svelte Sarah Palin armed to slaughter Old St. Nick’s reindeer is titillating disturbed Americans from Nome to New York City.

Now this is where all you Caribou Barbie fans proclaim loudly, “But I didn’t know caribou was the NRA code name for reindeer!”

Sure, like everyone doesn’t know that Webster defines the word like this:

car*i*bou
a large, gregarious (read: happy, until you shoot it) deer of Holartic taiga and tundra that typically boasts palmate antlers in both sexes, especially in the New World—also called reindeer.

Also called reindeer. You read it here first. Caribou Barbie is just an NRA euphemism for Rudolph-the-Red-Nosed Serial Killer.

You might be a Caribou Barbie if:

1. You have your taxidermist on speed dial.
2. There are more antlers than family pictures on your walls.
3. You’ve ever shot anyone just for looking at you funny.
4. You own a homemade fur coat.
5. You have “ammo” on your Christmas list.
6. You’ve ever scarfed down more than three moose burgers in a sitting.

#4 In 2007 Sarah Palin offered $150 to every hunter who hacked off the left foreleg of a wolf shot from a plane.

The Federal Airborne Hunting Act of 1972 made aerial wolf hunting illegal for hunters—spoilsports! But don’t get your camouflage panties in a bunch, there’s a loophole. State governments can give out permits to state employees or licensed individuals for the sake of protecting “land, water, wildlife, livestock, domesticated animals, human life, or crops.”

Where There’s a Wolf . . .
But leave it to our piece-packing girl to make the most of the lupe loophole. When she took office as governor, gunning down wolves from planes turned into a for-profit game! In 2007, in an effort to boost the bloodsport, she offered $150 to every hunter who hacked off the left foreleg of a wolf shot from a plane. A state judge went on to overrule the payments, but not the aerial shooting. So get on up there to Alaska, and shoot yourself a wolf while you still can!

Sarah Stat
In 2007, Governor Palin allocated $400,000 to “educate” the public about the “ecological benefits” of aerial wolf and bear hunting.

#12 According to an aide, Sarah Palin once dressed as Tina Fey for Halloween.

. . . And Tina Fey donned her signature specs and an updo and nailed Sarah Palin in a scathingly funny SNL season-opeining skit alongside comedy cohort Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton. Can we say the two were separated at birth? Here’s a look at how these women stack up:

Tina Fey: Wrote and anchored SNL’s Weekend Update, a faux look at the news, for four years
Sarah Palin: Worked as a sports reporter for KTUU-TV in Anchorage, Alaska, for five minutes

Tina Fey: Wrote and starred in movie Mean Girls in 2004, based on her life in high school
Sarah Palin: Was a Mean Girl at Wasilla High School in 1982

Tina Fey: Was born and raised in Pennsylvania
Sarah Palin: Visited Pennsylvania when hitting the campaign trail and stated, “It’s great to see another part of the country.”

Tina Fey: Topped numerous hot lists, including Time, People, and Maxim magazines; also placed seventh on that 2007 Hot 100 List on AfterEllen.com, a website for lesbian women.
Sarah Palin: Featured on cover of Vogue’s “Governor Issue” as “New Faces to Watch in 2008”; high on neoconservatives’ lists of hotties

Tina Fey: Greek Orthodox
Sarah Palin: “Bible-believing” Christian who believes war in Iraq is “God’s plan”

Tina Fey: Committed environmentalist; drives a hybrid
Sarah Palin: Committed to ruining the environment; wants to knock polar bears off the endangered species list

Tina Fey: Gave birth for the first time at age thirty-five
Sarah Palin: Gave birth for the first time at age twenty-five, then had her fifth child at age forty-four, and no end in sight

#65 In 2005, Sarah Palin completed Humpy’s Anchorage Marathon in 3:59:36.

Forget running the road to the White House, this frigid veep candidate made a mad dash across the frozen tundra in a marathon with runners that should be more concerned about hypothermia than dehydration. She clocked a fast enough time on the chilly course to rank fourteenth among women, fourth in her age group, and first in potential leaders of the free world.

Sarah Palin: Marathon Woman

One has to wonder how her skills on the course can translate into a potential political edge. Don’t you feel a little safer knowing your VP could outrun Oprah (4:29:20), Katie Holmes (5:29:58), and P. Diddy (4:14:54)?

The Political Race
Palin isn’t the only elected official to put her Nikes where her mouth is and beat the pavement for 26.2 miles. While under four hours is a pretty impressive time, she’s got some stiff, athletic competition if there’s ever a Battle of the Political Stars. Here’s how she stacks up against some other presidential- and VP-hopeful hoofers:

1. John Edwards, 3:30:18 (Marine Corps Marathon, 1983)
2. George W. Bush, 3:44:52 (Houston Marathon, 1993)
3. Sarah Palin, 3:59:36 (Humpy’s Anchorage Marathon, 2005)
4. Mike Huckabee, 4:39:04 (Little Rock Marathon, 2005)
5. Al Gore, 4:58:25 (Marine Corps Marathon, 1997)

It looks like Al Gore should stick to saving polar bears and leave running marathons to Caribou Barbie.

#77 Sarah Palin’s best girlfriends, known as the Elite 6, are divided on whether to vote for her—or not.

Even Palin’s buddies aren’t so sure about her as a candidate for vice president. Her group of friends, who refer to themselves as the “Elite 6,” met each other at aerobics classes.

“And we just kinda bonded and did our little workouts together, and after workouts, sometimes we’d go and have chocolate and coffee or soda,” said Juanita Fuller, one of the members of the Elite 6 and a close friend of Palin.

With Friends Like These . . .
Although they are Palin’s pals, that doesn’t guarantee her their vote. In an interview with Good Morning America, at least three of the four of the Elite 6 interviewed would not reveal who they would vote for.

Amy Hansen summed up how the most of the women felt. “My vote is very personal. It is between me and the voting booth. So I’m keeping my mouth shut on that one.”

#75 As VP on the Republican ticket, Sarah Palin is expected to help convince those 18 million disaffected Hillary Clinton supporters to switch to the McCain camp.

Sarah Says
“. . . Hillary left 18 million cracks in the highest, hardest glass ceiling in America, but it turns out the women of America aren’t finished yet and we can shatter that glass ceiling once and for all.”
—Sarah Palin

If Sarah does indeed help McCain attract some embittered Hillary supporters, it could spell victory for the Grand Old Party come November 4. But how much do Hillary voters and Palin supporters really have in common?

Let’s take a look at how they truly match up.

#70 In her much-anticipated interview with Charlie Gibson on ABC News, Palin obviously stumbled when he asked her about the “Bush Doctrine,” leading many pundits to speculate that she didn’t understand the question.

The Who Doctrine?

When Charles Gibson of ABC asked Sarah Palin how she felt about the “Bush Doctrine,” our hockey mom proved a little out of her element.

“In what respect, Charlie?”
Translation: What is the Bush Doctrine? S—t, I hope he doesn’t notice that I have no f—king clue what he is talking about! Maybe if I get all “folksy” and call him by his first name, he’ll overlook that I am a complete moron.

Stunned that a vice presidential nominee and potential president wasn’t familiar with the fundamental foreign policy philosophy of the current president, whose doctrine of “preemptive strikes” against nations that pose a threat led to a conflict in which her own son will participate, Gibson just asked her what she interpreted it to be.

Again, she waffled. “His world view.”
Translation: Am I getting warm, Charlie? Give me a hint, pretty please.

Gibson gave in and told her what it was.

Once our girl understood the question, she avoided answering it.

“Charlie, if there is legitimate and enough intelligence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country,” she began.
Translation: Now that I understand the question, Charlie, there’s no way I’m going to answer it.

#69 Sarah Palin and Joe Biden agree that Barack Obama should have chosen Hillary Clinton as his runningmate.

Rivals Sarah Palin and Joe Biden have at least one thing in common: They both think that Barack Obama regrets not having picked Hillary for his runningmate.

This shared opinion of the opposing VP candidates, however unlikely, is predictably the last we’ll see during this election. Why? Because the two opponents could not be more different. And their public service records bear that out.

Palin Versus Biden

Biden: Considered an expert in foreign relations
Palin: Can see Russia from her deck

Biden: Served in the Senate for more than thirty-five years
Palin: Once served dinner to more than thirty-five guests

Biden: Authored the Second Chance Act, designed to provide the tools convicts need to re-enter society successfully
Palin: Once gave second chance to “bad boy” boyfriend in high school

Biden: Passed College Access Act to help students pay for college
Palin: Was granted access to five different colleges in around five years

Biden: Wrote the groundbreaking Violence Against Women Act
Palin: Owns too many guns to worry about someone messing with her

#58 When questioned about her knowledge of foreign affairs, Palin notes that her experience with Russia is unique. So unique, in fact, that only Eskimos and polar bear can claim a closer relationship.

Palin’s supporters note that Alaska’s “proximity” to Russia has given her unique experience on foreign affairs. No less than Cindy McCain states that, “Remember that Alaska is the closest part of our continent to Russia.” Thanks for clearing that up, Cindy. Now go back to your sorority house and spend some “quality time” with the BMOC.

Apparently being able to “see” Russia from an island off the coast is the same as actually working with the Russians. Let’s follow this line of logic a tad further, shall we?

Massachusetts is the closest state to Algeria so, undoubtedly, Governor Deval Patrick should be claiming that as his basis for foreign affairs experience.

Hawaii is just a hop, skip, and a jump from China, so clearly Governor Linda Lingle is our go-to person for all things Chinese. How could she not be?

Nepalese Sherpa are up really high in the mountains, so on that fateful day when Mars finally attacks, we know who to go to for leadership.